Wood Fire Grills and Lobster Tank Diving

It was against my will.

Just the thought of it made me weak in the stomach.

Images of evil robots and flying lobsters haunted me.

My wife told me I would sleep on the couch if I went through with it.

On Tuesday, my friend Christine some how convinced me that I needed to give Red Lobster another chance. I was on my way to Orlando on Wednesday afternoon and she persuaded me to give it one more try with two compelling reasons:

1. She was buying.
2. This Red Lobster had new wood fire grilled steak.

I know what many of you are thinking. How dare I. Had I completely lost my mind? Yet some place deep inside me an ounce of curiosity still remained. If everyone's experience was as horrifying as my last one, how is Red Lobster still in business?

We arrived at the lobster in Orlando for dinner. Unlike my last visit, it was significantly less crowded. Non crowded restaurants result in one of two things: 1. Better Service because you get attention or 2. Worse service because the servers are bored and mentally checked out.

We sit down and I begin scanning nervously around. How would I be verbally attacked this time?

Our robot errr server greets us with Cheddar Biscuits. I immediately turn and look around.....have I been set up? What the heck is the server doing bringing me the infamous Cheddar Biscuits without me even asking!?!?!? Like true champs, we woof them down in a matter of moments.

I ask for an iced tea and we order an appetizer. In true drinking fashion I pull the ultimate server test and suck my tea down as fast as possible. Good service can be judged on one thing and one thing alone: a full drink. If it's empty or half empty you're not getting good service.

Our server, right on que promptly fills my glass back up again. Test passed.

The struggle began when we tried to order dinner. First, let me begin by saying that he was not nearly as horrifyingly rude as our robot last time. BUT. He did challenge us on our ordering methods.

I opted for broccoli instead of rice with my wood fired grilled sirloin and grilled shrimp. Christine, a poor youthful hotel worker simply wanted a baked potato instead of mashed potatoes. The good robot pushed back. Saying, "If you get a baked potato instead of mash they are just going to put the lobster and shrimp on top of the baked potato like they're supposed to with the mash."

Why. Has Red Lobster sucked the innovative juice out of every employee who works there. Do the cooks not know how to move there hand 2 inches to the right to put the topping NEXT to the potato instead of on top!?

Christine, thinking wisely simply declined the baked potato and stuck with the mash to avoid confusion and heart ache in the back.

We have enlightening dinner chit chat awaiting our food. Then, finally it arrives.

My wood fire grill steak looks like it was cooked over the wood fire grill, well kind of. In my mind I imagined a deep, passionate woody taste to the steak. Full flavored, and memorable. What I received was far below my expectations.......just plain steak. No flavor, it just happened to be cooked over a wood fire grill. Their new sensational grill appears for all intensive purposes to be a marketing strategy to drive fat white Americans like me to try their new cooking technique. They get one point for a good idea and no points for good food taste.

I do not need to go in to great detail here as you know how I feel about Red Lobster food: it's bland. Nothing anyone ever tells me will make me feel otherwise. Speaking of lobsters and bland food.........I have neglected to mention that we witnessed a murder while eating dinner.

I have always noticed the lobster tank at the front of Red Lobster. I will be the first to admit I have been rather naive in thinking that they didn't actually use those lobsters for cooking...I was dead wrong. As we were eating our meal I watched in horror as a cook came walking out of the back, went up to the tank, fished for a lobster and then carried to the kitchen. It may seem silly, however for a $20 a plate dinner restaurant it still seems barbaric in a way. Lobster tank diving in the middle of a restaurant!!?!? That makes me want to eat a lobster!

I choke down my food, however our good robot kept my drink full the entire time. Upon preparing to give us the check he gave us a hand held machine. We swiped our own credit card, then he instructed us to enter our tip and leave it on the table when we were done......interesting concept. The question here is: Am I relieved that I'm doing it myself so I'm in control or am I getting poor service because the servers now don't have to take my payment?

You may have noticed there were significant differences here from my last visit. Was it outstanding? Definitely not. My experience was exactly what I expect from a national chain that is charging me top dollar for eating in their restaurant. Was it outstanding compared to my last visit? Absolutely. In both situations, the server made or killed the overall experience and impression we had. The food wasn't any better or any worse from one visit to the other. Service is more important than food!

However there is a bigger lesson to be learned here.

Lesson: Consistency is King.

In order to keep us coming back restaurants must be consistent. Chances are, if Christine wasn't paying for the dinner I wouldn't have ever come within 15 feet of a Red Lobster again.

Sad news for Red Lobster is that even after this normal experience, I'm still not coming back because I will never forget what happened the first time I was there. Experience must be bridged by consistency in order to drive repeat business.

The foundation of consistency is built by a remarkable first experience. As consumers we judge everything based on our first contact with the business - then we expect the 2nd, 3rd and 4th visit to be identical or better than our first one.

Remember your first visit to Starbucks? Chances are, it was amazing. You went back. Then after awhile the experience started to become watered down. It was no longer meeting or beating your expectations. You, like many people probably stopped going.

The same goes for Red Lobster. The ironic part is that they clearly have worked very hard at streamlining their service style to make everyone the same. By doing that they sucked the heart out of every employee there. Corporately trained uniform service styles poorly executed on the front lines is a recipe for disaster.

If you want customers - be consistent in everything you do. OH and don't have your chefs come out from the back and publicly dive for lobster to cook up in the kitchen.

Unfortunate

Through a series of unfortunate events and a strange twist of fate I am going to Red Lobster for dinner tonight.

Story to follow.

Red Lobster Robot Writes In

Anonymous said on 'Red Lobster's Robotic Service and Bland Food'...

You all suck! I am a server at Red Lobster and I work my a** off for bi***y, changing the menu people like you way too often! Seriously. I had a guy ask me if I knew what a "lemon wedge" is the other night!!! Am I retarded? I have feelings and a way of doing things! For your information, Darden, the corporation of Red Lobster has a system and way of doing things for EVERYTHING we do. Biscuits go with salads, that's the way it goes!!! Don't ask for biscuits like you're starving! We place your orders in a computer, there is only so much it allows us to change! Lobster pizza with no lobster?!?! Get chicken b***h! It doesn't smell that bad in here either, we work here, deal with it! Let us do our jobs and don't ask for honey on a GARLIC CHEDDAR biscuit, that's disgusting! thanks a** holes

Posted: August 24, 2008 11:35pm

Dear Anonymous:

First. Let me thank you for taking time to comment on Green Eggs. It's always nice to hear from satisfied, pleasant employees who currently work at restaurants we discuss here.

I also want to thank you for supporting every point I made in my original post. While you didn't intend to offer your support, I think it's fairly clear after reading a little bit further into your comments that you agree with everything I said about our last experience at your fine establishment.

I said in my story that it was difficult to make menu changes to the items we want. Our expectations as consumers is that we have flexibility when ordering menu items, especially when we're paying almost $20 an entree. If I can have it my way at Burger King, I should be able to have my way at Red Lobster.

You claim that you, "work your butt off" for "people" like me. Clearly, with an attitude like that you probably aren't working hard enough, which is most likely why you get your feelings hurt all the time by guests who are just trying to have a good experience at your restaurant.

I said that the service was "robotic", "automated and in personal". Guests expect to have "personal attention" when eating out. We anticipate that the server will be interested in our well being and try to meet our needs in any way possible.

You said that Darden (Red Lobster's company) has a "system" and a "way" of doing things for EVERYTHING you do. Sounds robotic to me. Sometimes systems aren't more important than people.

I said we wanted more cheddar biscuits, and I hate to break it to you but your biscuits are one of the only reasons some people go to Red Lobster. Why not give them what they want?

You said, we acted like we were starving (we were) and that biscuits ONLY come with salads - there you go with the robot thing again.

I said, my wife wanted Lobster pizza with no lobster.

You said she was a b***h, and told her to get chicken.

You should know better than that. Your computer system won't let you add chicken to Lobster Pizza. Silly.

I thought you were suppose to be providing us great guest service? Oh, I forgot getting called vulgar names by a restaurant server makes me feel warm and cozy inside. You know what? You just convinced me to take her to Red Lobster for her birthday.

My poor, young, innocent brother wanted honey for his biscuit.

You said we're disgusting. Even if we are, does it matter? This makes me feel like the time you guys sang to me for my Birthday and in the middle of the song asked me what my name was.

The core themes of my experience at your restaurant were: robotic service, unwillingness to make exceptions for our desires, and bland food.

The core themes of your comments were: we are robots who follow a process, we don't care about our guests, and our restaurant smells - deal with it.

It appears we have the same feelings towards Red Lobster.

OH, in case you forgot what Red Lobster promises their servers are "suppose" to do, you can read it on their website by clicking here.

Thanks for reading -

Dan

Free Food for Your Life

It's Sunday. Which means it's a great day to read the paper.

Not articles online, but the good old fashion newspaper. I have found over years of experience and many mornings out that the paper is best read over breakfast at First Watch.

On the front cover of the St. Petersburg Times today there was a little blurb about two journalists who journeyed all over Tampa Bay last week in an effort to eat for completely free all day. As you can imagine, this immediately caught my attention and I flipped through the pages to find this "cover story" on free food for a day.

I start reading and after being about 7.5 sentences through, realize that this is a complete scam. These so called journalists merely drove all over Tampa to Publix, Sam's Club, Williams and Sonoma and Panera to eat free samples. Not free food as it was advertised.

After realizing that this article was a complete joke I started grumbling on my side of the table. My wife, ever aware of my roll coaster of emotions cautiously asked, "Is everything ok over there?"

Then the yelling began.

Not at my wife, but at the newspaper.

Who the heck do these people think they are to advertise they have the "solution" to eating free all day and then deliver a meager journey to the mall to eat samples of free Chinese food off a stick!?!?!?!? The best part is they offer their critiques!

Waste your time by reading the entire article here.

WOW.

We can do better.

Free food isn't defined by going to get samples. Anyone can do that, it's be done since the beginning of time.

Authentic free food is defined by two things:

1. Strategy
2. Being Regular

Strategically you have to be aware of current deals that are running. This doesn't include cutting coupons out of the paper. In store promotions are run on a continual basis. If you're smart you make yourself aware of these great deals.

Free Food Strategy is built on a foundation of being a regular. If you become a regular at your favorite restaurant I guarantee that you will walk out with something free on a frequent occasion. It could be as small as free drinks or it could be entire meals.

You hold the power to get Free Food in your hands. When you master this power, know how to control it, and when to use it then and only then you become what we like to call a: Classy Eater.

To begin your journey on the path to become a Classy Eater, you may want to download a copy of the life changing eBook, Classy Eater by clicking here. If you have already read the book, you're one step ahead.

The eBook however isn't enough.

What you need is a tool to be up to date on all of the current deals and promotions that are running. You need a source you can trust to tell you about where to get free food on your birthday or when the next restaurant will have a "free food day".

You need: ClassyEater.com

Previously this site has only served to host the download of the eBook however it has gone through a complete makeover.

Below is what the NEW ClassyEater.com offers:

1. Frequent posts and updates on where to find the next deal at your favorite restaurant.
2. Lists of all the restaurants you can get free food on your birthday.
3. Updates and news of restaurant openings and free food events.
4. The opportunity to contribute, offer comments and engage with other readers to find out about what other sweet deals are going on.

Click here to visit the site and subscribe by email.

I promise there won't be any suggestions to go get free samples in order to survive. You can learn how to rob the mall of their samples by trusting the St. Pete Times.

Here's to free food!

Oh - if you are interested in reading a REALLY good story about free samples, shoot me an email: danielrholm@gmail.com and I'll send you a story about our recent experience at Target. It's better than the St. Pete Times.

The Cupcake Revolution

Have you ever stumbled across something you thought was remarkable?

It might be something small like the cool little box a new iPod comes in, or a beer you have never had before, or a toothbrush that brushes your teeth for you. It might be a product that you didn't know existed: like an electric razor you can shave everywhere with.

Or. It could be a Cupcake.

Not just any Cupcake, but a Cupcake from The Cupcake Spot.

Cupcakes, generally speaking are a rather overlooked product. It might just be me, but I remember back in school one of the best days was when one of your classmates had a birthday. It meant that you got to spend 30 minutes of the day not in class and eating instead. The best part is when the mom would show up with the dessert. It was a good birthday if the mom brought a whole cake. It was a bad birthday if the mom showed up with a container of Cupcakes from Publix....

I always wanted the cake, because with cake you are guaranteed icing on more than just one side. The Cupcake presents a mountain of icing on the top that is usually difficult to get around without getting a little bit up your nose.

As I have traditionally focused on cake I realized a couple of weeks ago that I have been missing out on Cupcakes for a number of years. A couple of weeks ago we stumbled across The Cupcake Spot after first seeing it on the news, then reading about it in the paper and finally getting it recommended to us by a friend.

The Cupcake Spot is remarkable. They break all of the rules when it comes to being a "bakery" because they don't care about anything aside from Cupcakes. I have been itching to head to their shop in Tampa for over a week now and today finally had the opportunity.

It's a tiny little store off of Dale Mabry. It's quaint but screams personality the second you walk in the door. Cupcakes are the focus and a beautiful case is displayed front and center with every flavor Cupcake you can dream of.

The Cupcake Spot makes all of the frosting and cake from scratch every day fresh in their store. After my initial shock of all the options I began drilling the friendly employee in order to narrow down the Cupcake that I would end up tasting......choices choices. View the full menu here.

The wife went to the restroom which gave me freedom to make an executive decision.....so we went with half a dozen.

Every Cupcake at The Cupcake spot looks as if it was crafted from the heavens. Beautifully designed, frosting perfecting placed on top in unique designs. Did I mention they have a S'mores Cupcake? Its a chocolate cupcake with butter cream frosting mixed with marshmellow fluff and dusted with graham cracker. Sensational.

Aside from the phenomenal design, the service is also outstanding. Nothing is more irritating than a server or employee who doesn't know anything. The Cupcake Spot's employees are knowledgeable, friendly, attentive and most importantly: feel comfortable offering their opinion.

After some heavy debate and a few minor verbal spats with the wife we decided on 5 cupcakes and 1 to eat at the shop. The total came to around $16.

We chose "The Cuppy" the signature Cupcake with berry cake and butter cream frosting to eat at the shop. We then encountered another problem. My wife only wanted the cake and didn't want any frosting at all. I, obviously wanted both frosting and cake. We battled. I lost. Therefore I got a nibble of cake and three mouth fulls of frosting. However, I didn't complain.

The cake that I did taste was moist, tender and flavorful. The icing was well....remarkable. Thankfully, I have five more for myself which I intend on eating without my wife around to steal the cake. The sad news is I almost feel guilty eating these perfect little creations. They are sitting in a bright pink box on my counter and I don't want to destroy them just by eating them.....it's tough being me.

The Cupcake Spot is the next dessert revolution. The ice cream shop is dead. Cupcakes are the future.

Imagine this.

You eat a nice dinner out, you're in the mood for dessert. Instead of going to get a bowl of your favorite ice cream from Coldstone you instead go to get your favorite cupcake from The Cupcake Spot. Like ice cream, Cupcakes offer variety, unqiue flavors and its a great conversational food.

In five years you will see a Cupcake shop on every corner. Even now there seems to be a cult like rising surrounding cupcakes. Visit the Cupcake Fetish to see more.

I say - bake on Cupcake lady, bake on.

Schooled by Tijuana Flats

School was always very interesting.

Most of the time, you don't really pay attention. However, every once in awhile a subject comes up in discussion that you know you are the expert on. The teacher, in an attempt to "challenge" the class and will ask a general question to you and your classmates.

Being the all-knowing genius that you are.....you raise your hand. Stretch it high to the sky, lift your self out of your seat. You HAVE to be called on. You KNOW the answer.....stretch stretch, finally the teacher calls your name.

You answer the question.....(pause).......the teacher looks at you and says, "I'm sorry, that's not entirely correct." or "I'm sorry that's not the answer I was looking for."

Have you ever been "that kid"? Usually since you were the only genius raising your hand to answer the question the rest of the class turns around and gives you a smirk with a subtle chuckle that says, "way to go dumb dumb."

Today. I was that kid.

You may recall, if you're a regular reader that I went to Tijuana Flats about 5 months ago and made outrageous claims that they are "all talk" and their food isn't any good. You can read the post by clicking here.

I had the opportunity to go to Tijuana Flats again today and had a slightly different experience.

As usual, the manager greeted us at the door, offered us menus and asked if we had any questions. Today, like last time I was impressed with the concentrated service - something you don't get at either Chipotle or Moe's. Usually you are welcomed with a nod, or a verbal grunt of "welcome to Moe's".

Last time I made the mistake of trying to compare a burrito from Tijuana to a burrito at Chipotle. This was a bad idea. I don't recommend you try it either, if you want a burrito go to Chipotle.

I reviewed the menu, which can be fairly overwhelming and decided I would go with a safe choice that is difficult to mess up: Quesadillas. Someone also once told me that the Quesadillas were the best thing that Tijuana Flats serves, so I was feeling pretty good about it.

Another person I was with went to the edge and ordered something I had never heard of before: Flautas. What the heck? Recalling my last experience I stayed with my choice and did not move off the beaten path. If these Flautas were a disaster, I was going to let her suffer, not me.

Last time I was at Tijuana I didn't get a drink - man did I miss out. They have giant, beautiful cups - that don't sweat. Their ice is shaved. We haven't discussed ice here too much, but ice design is the key to a premium beverage. Tijuana does it right with superb ice which compliments the cup beautifully. Not to mention they have $2.50 draft beers.

We sit down, our food is served by the cashier, and as we eat throughout the meal she stopped by two more times to see if we needed anything and to check on our food. Again another restaurant attempt to blur the lines between fast food, fast casual and casual dining. Soon you will see this category breakout into more sections: fast food, casual fast food, fast casual, and polished fast casual - Tijuana is moving towards polished fast casual and Chick-Fil-A is already at casual fast food. These categories will be defined solely by service standards and atmosphere.

After about two bites in, I started looking enviously towards the plate of pork Flautas: two lightly fried flour tortillas, rolled tightly and loaded with your choice of meat and cheese. Basically imagine mini deep fried rolled tight tacos - stuffed with pulled pork. BOO YAH!

The person I was with stepped away to use the restroom - and I stepped into her (not my wife) basket of food.

Suddenly my decent Quesadillas looked like grilled garbage compared to these magical fried sticks of Mexican happiness. Then - like a beacon of light in the darkness, it occurred to me. Tijuana Flats isn't bad, its just tricky. You have to understand the menu, know the process and become a Tijuana Flats elitist to fully appreciate and benefit from eating there.

Not all of the food is good. The chips are good, the queso is good, the Flautas are good. My other friend got pork nachos and they were awful. In fact, the manager came over and because she was disappointed he brought her out an order of Flautas. Nice.

So what did we learn today?

I gave Tijuana Flats a second chance and they schooled me. They showed me what made them famous and now I get it. We can't compare them to Chipotle because they are an entirely different concept.

My advice?

Study up, learn the lingo, and visit Tijuana Flats. When you do, enjoy the service, get lots of refills and be sure to order the Flautas.

Like the new logo? Send me an email and let me know: danielrholm@gmail.com

Checkers Fries Spice Up Your Life

Miss the first part of this story? Click Here.

"Never mind. I don't want to go" she said.

"What!?!?" My little heart sighed with sadness.

We kept driving.....(2 minutes pass)

Suddenly the silence is broken......."Ok never mind....I want Checkers fries."

Victory.

Luckily I was planning she would change her mind so I orchestrated our route to align us with a nearby Checkers.

I hadn't had Checkers fries in YEARS. As a young plump child I often found myself along with my brother stopping by our local Checkers on Sunday afternoons to get double cheeseburgers and those amazing, spicy, flavorful fries.

In high school I was blessed enough to have a Checkers conveniently across the street - again another opportunity to fulfill my Checkers fries obsession.

The twin drive thru option always enticed me. It makes complete sense for a busy fast food joint to do this. What Checkers neglected to understand before building two drive thru's was that most of America is right handed - therefore they are going to the right side of the drive through anyway.

To conceal and protect the identity of the female I was with, I also selected the right side drive thru lane so that I would be the poster fat child getting his fix at Checkers in the middle of the afternoon.

It's like sensory overload when reading the Checkers drive thru menu. Everything is marked to basically free. Not to mention they have 3,281 choices of menu items. However after a few moments of reading over I managed to find what I was looking for: Fries. Size? Small. Cost? $1.07.

Boo ya.

She sat next to me with anticipation as I placed our order for one small fry. We were the only ones at Checkers and for some unknown reasons I felt the wise employees knew what we were up to. At the window I paid and the cashier glanced at me with a knowing look in her eyes.

Meanwhile the woman I am with has a sweatshirt over her head so she can never be identified.

We watch as the 5 bored employees get our fries - hand off - bag our fries - hand off - put napkins in the bag - hand off and finally deliver to us.

We pull away quickly hoping no one saw us.

She opens the bag. The rich spicy aroma of Checkers seasoning moves through the air in the car. Breathe deep....aaaah. That smells fattening and delicious.

Once the smell hit the air the battle began. I was driving so I had little advantage in getting my hand in the bag quickly without getting attacked.

"Get your hand out of the bag. We only got a small.....this was my idea," she said.

Luckily she was kind enough to hand me one or two. However for a "small" fry our portion was fairly big.

I bite in - crunch, crunch.....soft....... spicy. That's good.

Checkers has designed a fry that no one else can compare to. It's not even a standard french fry. There is nothing golden or "crisp" about it. It's dark brown, full flavored, crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. Their fries cannot be beat.

About two miles down the road our Checkers fry fantasy splurge ended. She wrapped up the bag, set it on the floor of the car and looked at me deep in the eyes and said...

"You can't blog about this."

For the protection of all parties involved the "she" in this blog story will not be identified.

Fast Food Splurge

"Don't tell a soul."

Is how she started the conversation.

I responded, "About what?"

She continued.

"You can't blog about this."

I get a little excited, "Blog about what!"

She lowers her voice........"I want Checkers fries."

To be continued.

Trash Can Salad

Disclaimer: The following series of events are true. No part of this story is fictional, exaggerated or made up for the entertainment or enlightenment of the reader.

If you are a frequent reader you may be aware of my unusual obsession with Chick-Fil-A. Their strips, milk shakes, Ice Dream and Waffle Fries are truly outstanding. Their service usually exceeds expectations and their restrooms are remarkable.

However sometimes the unexpected happens and tonight it happened.

I got home from work promptly at 7:04pm, in time to watch TMZ and was greeted by my lovely wife who told me we had to run out to Chick-Fil-A later to return a brown, nasty side salad that she had received earlier today when picking up lunch.

My wife, her mother and her sisters are at Chick-Fil-A every day of the week. They dive thru every morning to get iced teas, 3-4 days a week they eat lunch there and usually every night my wife and I get Ice Dream. A short mathematical equation can sum up our combined total spending to roughly: $99.78 in Chick-Fil-A a week. (For a breakdown of this equation email me at danielrholm@gmail.com)

Let's just say we spend $100 a week combined every week of the year. That's $5,200 we are giving Chick-Fil-A every year. I would say we are fairly important customers. As you can imagine the Chick-Fil-A employees at our Chick-Fil-A also know exactly who we are. They knew my wife was pregnant, they knew when we had the baby and they know every member of our family.

On with the story.

The salad my wife got at lunch was definitely not up to Chick-Fil-A's standards. It was browning, and old looking. Knowing that Chick-Fil-A provides outstanding service and also knowing that I was going out to get Ice Dream anyway I didn't think it would be a problem to take the salad with me to show Chick-Fil-A what we were served earlier today.

I opt for walking in as going in the drive thru was bound to be unsuccessful. I walk in and I'm greeted by a delightful Chick-Fil-A employee. I am the only one at the front counter so I take a moment to explain my story, "Hi, my wife was here earlier today and she got this salad, she took it home to eat it and pulled it out of the bag and realized that it was brown...."

Suddenly out of no where I am rudely cut off by Rick, The Night Manager.

"Sir, we can take care of it this time, however next time we request that you call."

The pleasant Chick-Fil-A employee promptly goes to get me a new fresh salad.

I respond, "Ok that's fine, it's just she was just here today and was already home so she wanted to bring it back tonight."

The Night Manager: "I understand, however we make our salads fresh every Monday morning (only on Mondays?) and we don't know where you got this salad. You could have had it for a couple of days or picked it out of the trash."

OK - WHAT?

Now I'm a salad trash picker? This Night Manager, who knows our family and is also well aware of our weekly spending is accusing me of going through the trash to get a free salad!?!?

I say, "Ok.....but you know my wife. She has curly hair, she was here earlier today for lunch you saw her. We got this salad today."

"I'm sorry sir, next time we simply request that you call first."

Disgruntled, annoyed and irritated I take my "replacement" salad back out to the car to greet my wife. I tell her what happened and that The Night Manager treated me poorly and accused me of being a salad trash picker.

My wife, as you may know, got a little furious. She said, "What! They know who we are, we were here FOUR times today!" Flames fuming from her ears she grabbed the salad and walked back in to Chick-Fil-A. I (a defeated husband) sat with the baby in the car.

I don't know what happened inside, however I was fearful that heads were going to roll.

About 3 minutes later she came back out to the car and told me that Rick, The Night Manager gave her the exact same speech. He knew who she was, but told her that "next time" she needs to call in first. (Why is there going to be a "next time"?) My wife, baffled asked The Night Manager why she would bother calling in, how would that benefit her? He explained that he could then go and make sure they weren't make any more bad salads. He continued to say that now they don't know where that salad came from, it's possible she picked it out of the trash.

AGAIN with the trash picking accusations!

Why are we fighting so much with Chick-Fil-A over a silly side salad! We're being doubted, accused of picking out of the trash AND my wife was already there 4 times today!

When you get down to it, this is not about the side salad. It's more about the complete and utter (no pun intended) disappointment I have with Chick-Fil-A. After I have lifted them up so high on this blog tonight they may have shattered it all.

They are known for their service and quality food. Today's experience goes against everything they stand for. A small issue turned big over neglect and poor judgment from a shift manager.

As customers, we're not only interested in getting something for free. All we want is for someone to care and to treat us right.

One thing is for sure, next time we're in the mood for a brown salad we will skip Chick-Fil-A and just head straight to the dumpster.

Angry Mob of 16 and a Half

No one likes big parties in restaurants.

It begins with the initial call ahead to the restaurant letting them know you are coming. You may say something like, "We have a party of 16 and half coming in around 7, will you have seating?"

Before the host you're speaking with even says anything you can hear the disappointment and rage building up. Restaurant's hate big parties. She might mumble something in a noncommittal way like, "oh ya we probably will have something.....I'll let the manager know." - Her first attempt to make you feel guilty about coming in. Don't you realize that you are messing up her seating chart and throwing the rotation off for the entire night!?!? How dare you even consider coming to a restaurant with a party larger than 4!

When I used to host I was always irritated when people would tell me, "Oh we have a party of 4......and a half!" What do you think it's cute that you have a half or should I say child that I now have to set a special seat up for and get coloring books and place mats so your kid can stay occupied long enough to not scream and drive everyone else out of the restaurant?

Now I have a half (just 5 weeks old) and I make a point to always tell the host that I have a half.

Ah Ha!

I suppose now would be a good time to mention that the party of 16 and a half at the beginning of this story was actually my wife's entire family and I out to eat earlier this week. We arrive and much to our dismay realize immediately that there is a party of 20 sitting in our spot.

This is completely out of the restaurant's control, however it is still irritating. They can't control the fact that a party of 20 elderly women have been sitting in an entire section of the restaurant for 2 hours.

Hence the fundamental problem with large parties - you can't have more than one at a time. As you can imagine the 16 and a half of us crowd the waiting area and start giving the party of 20 elderly women looks of complete loathing begging them with our eyes to get up. The bad news is they had camp set up and even though they were all done with their food there were no apparent signs that they had any intentions of moving. Drinks were out, purses were hanging off chairs and the conversation was lively.

Meanwhile back in the waiting area, our party of 16 and a half is jammed like sardines in a little corner trying to avoid taking over the entire front waiting area. The host offers us a drink (which I also know she wasn't thrilled about, hosts only want to do one thing: stand at their stand).

Time continues to tick by and then the worse happens when our "dinner" conversation turns in to our "waiting" conversation. You know what this is - it's like going on a date and having the entire good conversation in the car on the way there. You get to the restaurant and suddenly realize that you have nothing good to talk about.

After 30 minutes I started getting irrational and I moved in closer to the party of 20 to try and lure them away from the tables. I wasn't alone. The annoyed servers and busser tub ready bus boys were standing near by waiting to pounce on the table the second a chair got pushed back or a purse picked up.

Another reason restaurants hate big parties: The servers are in hell. First it throws their entire night off. Instead of just having their normal three - four table section they now are sharing one big party with another server. Which means if they have another table it gets neglected. Then, they have to some how carry 15-20 drinks all at one time out to the large party (I used to hate carrying drinks on tray) oh and by the way when they are filling up 15-20 drinks in the back the whole restaurant gets backed up because they are hogging the drink fountain. Finally, it takes forever. Even after you cut the party off it takes forever.

I continue to hover near the large party of 20 trying to let them know that 16 and a half angry people are standing behind them waiting for their giant table. Finally, 40 minutes later like domino's it starts happening. One woman gets up and slowly (it really was slow) they all start getting up.

I made a vital mistake.

I was holding our adorable, tiny, smelling baby like daughter in my arms. I was also standing on the outskirts of the waiting area near the large party. In a matter of moments I became a destination for every elderly women from the party to walk by and offer their comments about how cute she is. I know she is cute - get out of the restaurant.

One woman in particular came over and started getting a little too close. She commented and then didn't walk away. She reached her hand out and in a moment of insanity I turned around and walked back in to our party of 16 and a half. However, she followed.

She was still talking to me so I turned around holding my daughter very tightly and she reached out ever so slowly and touched her foot. (Don't worry she had protection on: socks). Ok that was a touch, but it wasn't too uncomfortable. In my head I was thinking, ok you had your fix move on.

She didn't stop though. Her hand started coming back at me again and since both of my hands were tied trying to protect my daughter I started blowing on her like a maniac and twisting to the right. The hand kept coming and before I knew it was on my daughter's back and then slid down to her hand!! I pulled my daughter's legs and hands in closer and said, "OK, that's enough."

I really don't mind if people want to touch our baby, however this woman smelt like smoke and alcohol and I don't really think she should have been holding her hand. My wife like supermom pulled out the hand sanitizer and we all took a bath in it.

While this episode was happening the restaurant staff managed to clear the table and turn it over for us. Now they weren't the only one's who were angry. We called ahead, waited 40 minutes, had to watch a giant party take forever and then were attacked on the way out.

Our party of 16 and a half had turned into an angry mob of 16 and a half.

Ah, time for dinner.

Ruby Tuesday's Explosive Stunt

How do you reach people and make them come in to your restaurant?

There are a variety of things you can do: launch a new specials, come out with advertising, start a word of mouth marketing campaign, improve your service...............or you could blow your restaurant up.....err someone else's restaurant.



Ruby Tuesday has been desperately trying to launch a turn around strategy for their dying brand for over a year. First there were the new commercials, then a new menu, followed by a very enticing new tag line - 'Simple Fresh American Dining', finally the grand finale was the redesign of all of their locations.

About a week ago I got an email blast from Ruby Tuesday telling me that they were going to blow up their last "old" restaurant and that it could be watched live on their website. Ok this is cool. Blowing up anything is cool.

Today I went to RubyTuesday.com to watch the explosion and was greeted by an "apology" letter from their VP of Marketing to Cheeky's Bar and Grill, stating they were terribly sorry for blowing up their restaurant.

Right.....

After reading the letter, and then watching the video it occurred to me that there was no possibly way that Ruby Tuesday could be this ridiculously stupid. After a 2 second Google search it came to my attention that this "stunt" was Ruby Tuesday desperate attempt to get some attention. They even went to the extreme of creating a non working website for Cheeky's Bar and Grill promoting the fact that they got blew up. View the website here.

They thought it would be funny and entertaining if they accidentally blew up the wrong restaurant. I think it's funny that everyone knows this is a lame attempt to turn their business around.

They had my attention when they told me they were going to blow their own restaurant up. Instead of using my attention to their advantage and communicating something of value, instead Ruby Tuesday thought it would be a better use of their time to scam me in an attempt to get me to chuckle.

Let's lay this out on the table. In order to pull this "stunt" off they had to build a fake restaurant - or remodel one to look like the fake Cheeky's. A fake website was also built for Cheeky's. Then they had to spend advertising dollars to promote that they were blowing up their restaurant. They had to pay to have the fake restaurant blown up. Pay for a film crew and then pay again to promote the fact or "not" promote the fact that they blew the wrong restaurant up.

Hmmm. That sounds like a lot of work to get me to eat in your restaurant.

I know what Ruby Tuesday was thinking: if we do something weird, people will talk about it and hopefully come eat in our restaurant.

Well, I am talking about it but I'm not saying anything good. Oh, and I won't be eating in your restaurant.

UPDATE: Ruby Tuesday has uploaded a video of a behind the scenes look at how they executed the stunt. You can watch it here.

46 Reasons for Mellow Mushroom

Never heard of Mellow Mushroom?

Below are 46 reasons you need to go there now:

1. They have been around for 38 years - it has to be good.
2. Their pizza is possibly the best in the world.
3. Pizza crust is made from "spring water dough" and is coated in Parmesan cheese.
4. The crust melts in your mouth.
5. 35 different toppings.
6. Not just pizza.
7. They have Calzones too.
8. And homemade pretzels.
9. And hoagies
10. Happy Hour: $2 off draft beers.
11. Beers no one else has.
12. Two college students started it in Atlanta.
13. Guys from Atlanta make good pizza.
14. They have T-shirts.
15. I bought one. You can too. Here.
16. They play good music in the restaurant.
17. The servers know what they're doing.
18. The servers wear whatever they want.
19. The servers keep your drink full.
20. Free samples of beer if you can't decide.
21. Giant mushroom sculptures in the dining room.
22. The servers are allowed to have piercings - and no one cares.
23. The servers are clean, neat and organized.
24. Speaking of clean - the restaurant is clean.
25. The servers don't tell you no.
26. You feel good about spending money there.
27. Did I mention the amazing pizza? See number 3.
28. Meat lovers pizza is truly a meat lover pizza - they offer every meat on earth.
29. They were selected as one of the 10 best pizza's in Tampa.
30. They play Dave Matthews Band music.
31. Dave Matthews Band posters and paraphernalia are all over the restaurant.
32. The restaurant has a personality - so does everyone that works there.
33. There are no angry employees.
34. Have we talked about the Cheese Bread? Try the Cheese Bread.
35. They have an extensive, full blown beverage menu.
36. You can wear whatever you want.
37. The bathrooms are clean.
38. The crust - it's worth mentioning twice.
39. Beers are changed frequently.
40. Prices are moderate.
41. You get what you pay for.
42. The environment makes you want to sit there all day.
43. It's cool - and you're cool for being there.
44. The decor is psychedelic and it's awesome.
45. They have green olives (my wife likes green olives).
46. Every other pizza place is either Chicago, NY or Italian style. Mellow Mushroom's style is to bake the freshest most amazing pizza on earth.

I went last weekend and I'm going again on Friday.

It's that awesome. Find your closest Mellow Mushroom here.

Red Lobster's Robotic Service and Bland Food

Miss the first part of this story? Click here.

My mom grabbed the daily specials menu and ordered the Tilapia. The robot said, "It comes with 2 sides. What sides do you want?" She went for the salad and broccoli.

Then it was my brother's turn to order and since he had already upset the server robot with his outrageous demand for honey I could sense the tension in the air as she stared him down waiting for him to speak. He stumbled at first..I um, uh think, you eh ug pop shrimp poppy shrimp shrimp pop......Popcorn Shrimp! Her response: "Two sides?"

My brother, young and innocent explains he doesn't want two sides he only wants french fries. "It comes with two sides, what are your two sides?" My mom decided this was a good time to chime in, "Why don't you get a salad?" My brother knowing deep down somewhere that the salad probably tastes like lobster simply says he doesn't want a salad. Then things got ugly.

At the same moment the robot starts barking for what his other side will be and my mom is begging him to just get a salad because it will be good for him. He needs salad, he never eats salad, maybe he should just get a salad. My brother then starts getting red in the face and on the verge of tears proclaims - I'll have a salad!! House with ranch dressing! Whew. That was violent.

Then it was my wife's turn. The robot, not asking if she was ready just turned her head towards my wife and gave her a look that said - order now or die. My wife, looks deep into her gaze and says, "Lobster Pizza. No Lobster." The robot says nothing and looks to me.

Ok wait - what!? So far my mom and brother have almost been executed for ordering something off the menu. My wife orders an item that doesn't exist and the robot acts like nothing even happened!?!?

I decided on one of the specials they are featuring on TV: Hawaiian Isles Shrimp and Salmon. They had a giant full color menu with pictures of the three specials and after seeing the commercial and then looking at the menu insert it seemed like a tasty decision. Only one problem is that it comes with rice. I am not a huge rice fan (except at Chipotle) and rice with fish is especially odd. This seemed like a simple change.

Not really. I order and explain that I would like to substitute my rice for broccoli. Robot: I'm sorry it comes with rice. I understand, however I would like to trade my rice for broccoli. Robot: No sir, it comes with rice, it's on the plate like that. Hmmm ok...how else can I approach this...I'll try again. I hold up the menu insert that has a photo of the entree, using my visual aide I point and explain that I would like this entree with a baked potato and broccoli. Robot: No sir that is just a pretty picture to make the food look good, what two sides do you want.

Ok robot server. First I know that this is just a food shot to make your sick food look good and second, don't talk to me like I'm loosing my mind. Giving up I finally say. Ok, how can I not get rice on the plate? She says, oh I'll just ask them to not include rice. WHAT!??!!?

She moves on to my Dad who orders without any issue. Then we started waiting for our impending doom.

The food didn't all come out at once and like a slap in the face at my wife, her Non Lobster Pizza was the only entree missing. At most other restaurants they would try and wait for all the food to be ready to drop off, however all things considered this was the least of our worries. I didn't have rice on my plate but my salmon was placed directly on top of my broccoli as if it were rice. Is everything so streamlined and technical at this restaurant that even the chefs don't know how to properly plate up food? Why the heck would I want salmon soaking on top of broccoli? Just put the broccoli on the SIDE it is a SIDE item.

We started eating.....err some of us started eating. My coconut shrimp were pretty good. Not mind shattering, but good. However after two bites in to my salmon it suddenly occurred why so many elderly people eat at Red Lobster: the food is bland. I mean bland, boring, tasteless. It just tasted like plain salmon. I looked around the table and everyone's food looked the same. There was no spice, seasoning or any apparent culinary expertise.

My wife demanded I taste her pizza for lobster before she would even take a bite and my brother picked at his plate (he had already eaten 16 cheddar biscuits and choked down a warm house salad). Then my wife commented that my brother's popcorn shrimp looked more like deep fried goat pellets and he stopped eating completely.

We picked at our food (I ate most of mine out of guilt) and our robot returned shortly to clear our plates and offer us boxes. The night wasn't over yet as she wanted to know what dessert we wanted for my birthday. My dad held up the colored dessert menu with pictures and pointed and said, we will take one of the chocolate chip lava cakes. The robot, clearly unaware of his finger or voice explaining what we want, responded: "I'm sorry sir, what do you want?" My dad says the same thing over again and our robot responds: Sir, I don't know what you're talking about what dessert would you like? Finally, my dad holds the menu up towards her face and says, This one! This one!

The dessert comes out with about two singers plus the robot, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear...............(awkward silence)..........she whispers, 'what's your name?' uh, Dan.......Happy Birthday dear Dan, Happy Birthday to you!"

The service has been a technical disaster. She went through all of the motions with no personality, no heart and no passion. Our food came out correct, but after the service experience really didn't taste that good since we had to fight to order. It is my "birthday dinner" and since I know that Red Lobster should be so interested in making me feel special don't you think that she could have taken the time to ask me my name before she was half way through the song with an uncomfortable group of people in the restaurant watching!?!?

We picked around at the dessert, but really we just wanted to get out of there - and never return. My dad asked for the check, paid and we got up to leave. For some unknown reason as we walked through the front doors there were mobs of people waiting to get in for a taste of Red Lobster. I may never understand why.

We parted from my parents and as we got back in our car my wife looked at me and said, "What if we die tonight and our last meal was at Red Lobster?"

Red Lobster Retirement Home

"I don't want to go there." - Wife.

That is how the conversation started earlier this week when I told my wife and family that I wanted to go to Red Lobster to celebrate my birthday.

"That place smells like fish. I'm going to have to wash my hair and burn my clothes if we go there." - Wife.

My thought process was fairly illogical. I didn't have any good reason to go there except that the advertising had got to me. It had finally penetrated so deep in to my brain that I felt compelled to go try Red Lobster. I was the victim of advertising frequency and I went against what I know and fell into a trap - taking my whole family with me.

I was also extremely curious. I drive by our Red Lobster often and the parking lot is always packed. In times when every other restaurant is suffering how have they managed to succeed?

"I will pay you if you don't make me go there." - Wife.

Because it was my "birthday celebration" I was allowed to overrule my wife. (Birthdays are the only time you are allowed to do this, and it is likely that I will be under her wrath until my birthday next year). My family was confused and shocked that I was taking us to a deep fried seafood escape and not one of my usual restaurant choices.

"I hate Red Buttster"- Wife.

Finally the happy day came. I called ahead so we wouldn't have to wait however, they don't offer call ahead seating. OK....I guess we will try and get there early. We arrived shortly before 7pm and it wasn't too crowded. Much to my wife's demise it did smell like fish (only a little) and she promptly decided that she would wait outside.

The host told me that it would be "less than a 20 minute wait". I said, "Ok so does that mean 15-20 minutes, or just less than 20?" she answered, "Oh um, probably 15-20". Riiiiiiiight.

The wait begins.

Since we were waiting outside (due to the fish smell) we immediately began what we do best - people watch. This particular Red Lobster was beautifully designed to watch people as they have a breezeway where people can be dropped off in front of the restaurant. I thought this was a little odd. I thought it was even stranger that people were actually using it. One by one cars would pull up and every single person that got out of a car was a senior citizen. (Please note: I have no problem with senior citizens or elderly people in general).

Every car the people got more and more elderly. They came in with walkers, wheel chairs and dressed up for a "night on the town."

Then like a wave it came over me: "WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?!?!?" I am eating at a Red Lobster Retirement Home and it smells like fish in there!! My mother was in tears, my wife was furious, my brother was confused and my dad was making fun of the old people. At this moment of realization - our name got called.

They took us to a table in the middle of the dining room and a few minutes later we were greeted by our "pleasant" server. Actually she looked angry from the beginning. No introduction, no welcome, just a heart felt: Hello, what can I get you to drink? Then a robotic: Would you like to start with an appetizer? My dad immediately questioned, "Can we get some cheddar biscuits?" Server responds: They come with salad or soup. Ok.... not exactly sure if that was a yes or a no but we want some Cheddar Biscuits, like now. Read a some fun facts about the Cheddar Biscuit - here.

Much to our surprise our robotic server returned with tea (no ice) and two baskets of Cheddar Biscuits, we were all relieved. As I got irritated about my non iced tea I start looking around and taking in the atmosphere. We were easily the youngest people in the restaurant - my parents included. However, it was packed. Every table was full and people were chowing down. While I thought it was odd that we were surrounded by elderly people in a popular restaurant, my confidence came back - this place must be good if this many people eat here.

My brother - an avid bread eater, was truly enjoying the biscuits however, it wasn't long until he discovered something missing: honey. When our robot came over to take our order he asked if there was any honey he could have for the biscuits. She responded promptly with, No.

Now things were just getting uncomfortable. You didn't greet us, you didn't offer any suggestions on the menu, basically 'no' appears to be the only word in your vocabulary AND you're telling a starving confused boy that he can't have any honey.

My mom grabbed the daily specials menu and...............to be continued.