No More Butts

My complex started at an early age.

If I reflect back I believe that it began at around age 5 when my mom used to cut the crust off of my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I didn't like the crust and she had a really cool tool for cutting the edges (butt) off.

It was round, similar to a cookie cutter and she pressed it down over the sandwich and within moments the butt was gone forever. I was now free to enjoy my sandwich the way it should have been designed in the first place.

My obsession with "no butt" food items didn't end there. Unbeknown to me I have gradually seen it develop into a variety of other food products.

First it spread to brownies. "You want me to eat the edge of the brownie that was backed up against the pan?" Never. It's hard, breaks off and is a waste of two bites. Give me the center where the softness lives. To my horror I discovered in a quick Google search that a brownie pan has been invented to increase the edges (butts) of brownies in your pan. Who is buying this product? Even more frightening they have a demonstration video - here you can watch the nightmare as they create more butts and less goodness.

My fear of butts on food items transitioned to cookies. I suddenly found myself eating all the way around the cookie getting rid of that nasty edge before truly indulging.

Don't even get me started on Pizza. Up until age 12 I would eat my pizza backwards to eliminate the crust. It was good for nothing. Why can't they just cover the entire thing in cheese and sauce?

The buttless obsession finally led to the worst butt of all: Waffle Fry Butts. Which I have discussed previously here with you.

There is one thing I forgot to mention though. The butt at Panera is easily comparable to the Waffle Fry Butt. I will never forget the first time a Panera employee tossed a big long bread butt on to my tray. My mouth dropped in shock as I walked away. Why - WHY would they give me a useless stump to eat my high calorie broccoli cheddar soup with? This resulted in me sitting in public picking the "guts" of the bread out and leaving the hard shell behind. A waste of food for me and for them.

I am trying, but it's difficult to live butt free. It seems at Chick-Fil-A there are more waffle fry butts than usual and Panera has apparently bought into this "bakers edge" pan.

The next step is petition, but for now I will just simply spread the word. You can join me, get a t-shirt and put an end to butts of all kind, but especially Waffle Fry Butts.

Click here to change the world.