Jared's loss isn't Subway's gain

The lunch break is a sacred time at work. Important decisions are made on a daily basis. The question starts swarming at 9:15am: What are you doing for lunch today?

I always eat something good. Some people go the path less traveled. Almost three times a week, I get told that somebody is running out to Subway and I get asked if I want anything. I always answer a very clear and confident: No.

No, I don't want to eat meat that I don't know where it came from.
No, I don't want a small portion for a big price.
No, I don't believe Jared.

I mean, I do believe that he lost well over 200 pounds forcing Subway down for a couple years. I just don't believe that Subway is worth ever trying again.

The last time I had Subway, I somehow was convinced that I needed to order a wrap (like the sandwich wasn't painfully healthy enough as it is). I order this Italian wrap and as I move down the line I start to feel all good about myself because I ordered a wrap - how healthy, how wise, how...incredibly small. I get the wrap out of the long plastic bag and to my horror, it's about the size of my fist. It was gone in three bites.

Before this life altering wrap experience, I use to love Subway. Before Jared, they use to cut their sandwiches on top and pull that little chunk of bread out and put all your meat down the middle. Remember those days? Then suddenly without warning they changed their cutting technique to be like every other sandwich on earth and cut it down the side. In the early days after this happened, I demanded that the Subway employee cut my sandwich the old way but after a while due to turnover the employees didn't know what the "old way" was anymore.

After the cutting bread fiasco, it was hard for me to return to my beloved Subway. They went through phases and they came close to bringing me back. First they decided to offer 1,362 different types of bread - all of which I don't like. Honey Oat? It sounds like a granola bar.

Second, they thought that by heating my sandwich through an oven (which Quizno's and every other sandwich shop was already doing) that I would come back. I didn't.

Subway just announced Jared's 10th Anniversary and his "Tour de Pants". While a giant pair of pants is convincing to loose weight, it's not convincing that I should eat at Subway. Instead, it makes me want to go on the Chipotle Diet. On his legendary Tour it appears Jared will be taking his giant old pants around the country talking about Subway's healthy options. Pants or no pants, the only tour I will be going on is the one to Publix for a real sub...or wrap.